xlatias

kayliemalinza:

jedimagnus:

Why on earth hasn’t anyone invented a less terrifying way to open biscuits and cinnamon rolls???? 😩

because squishing that much biscuit into that little space teeters on the edge of hubris. the pop is to keep us humble. to remind us that death comes for all

slimy:

mjalti:

only sexy bitches sit on kitchen counters that’s the law

fucckingbagofbags:

birdbian:

i am a bright and colourful piñata and god is a 13 year old birthday boy whose parents have just announced their divorce.

this reads like a john mulaney bit

acegodzilla:

god I wish that were me

nickerino:

muckkles:

working with children is a wild fucking experience yall. this morning at work one of our second graders got my attention and was like “you know what word my mom told me not to say? PUSSY.” and i was like “then why did you just say it??” and she went “i dunno” and then dabbed

misty-sparkles:

I made one.

friend-san:

brbgensokyo:

hatsuzuki:

Don’t say it

wow king, you dress like this?

slimes-on-you:

thebuttkingpost:

spacepearl:

if you wanna know how long this year has been: the whole fucking tide pod fuckery happened in january

That was this year?