The phrase “No amount of skill will protect you from the sheer luck of a chronic dumbass” popped into my head and if that aint a Big Mood™ i dunno what is
So i went on a date to a haunted house and made friends with the girls behind us. As we’re going through, one of them is holding my hand and a guy leaps out and separates us. I panic as my date is pulling me along, I reach back for her and grab her hand in a group of three other performers and start getting out if there. After a bit I look back to check on her and I discover I’m holding the hand of a six foot tall zombie creature and not a 5’2" girl.
Cue the most terrifying realization of my life.
I had basically kidnapped this performer from his section and abandoned the girl and her friend behind us.
Yes, I screamed. My date thought it was Hilarious.
Yes, we found the girls. Turns out when I grabbed the performers hand, he grabbed theirs so our group wouldn’t be separated. So there was just this zombie in the middle of our group line for like fifty feet
every now and then tumblr reminds me that my dad asked for a furry pic for his 57th birthday
might as well tell the story behind that
so, my dad’s birthday is coming up, and since he doesn’t text, ever (he’s luddite that way), i text my mom: “hey, can you ask dad would like for his birthday?”
her response is “well he really likes your animals, why don’t you draw (our real-life dog) in that style?”
now bear in mind my mom doesn’t getwhat i do, or my dad for that matter, so i figure that she doesn’t understand the ramifications of that suggestion. she doesn’t quite see how slapping two hands and a pair of breasts on our real-life dog would be fucking weird.but note also that it was a suggestion that she came up with, not him, so i reply:
“can you just ask him yourself”
she responds “i was just giving you an idea, why don’t you ask him”
“he never texts”
“i will tell him to text you”
and that brings us to
so the lesson is, my mom knows my dad’s tastes much better than i do
i for one wholeheartedly support OP’s dad’s star fox OC
i just cant get over the lobster scene. like his friends are actively begging him, do not get into the lobster tank. please eddie. tom hardy you were in mad max fury road dont do this. and tom hardy looks at his friend like “i know i shouldnt do this. i shouldnt be getting into this lobster tank but i’m going to anyway. i’m already mostly inside. cant stop now. i’m sorry i dont want to be doing this either there’s just no other choice for me.” and then he takes a bg bite out of a live lobster that’s still in the shell and everything.
tom hardy doesn’t actually know he’s being possessed by an alien yet in the story. he’s just resigned himself to whatever fucking meltdown he seems to be having. he doesn’t even seem particularly surprised that things have gone this way for him. like ten minutes later he finds out his heart stopped working and hes just like “you asshole” and he throws his alien parasite against the wall like a water balloon. and then he just leaves and is immediately kidnapped. what a fucking wild ride tom hardy is on.
tom hardy’s actual superpower is being the exact same level of dysfunctional no matter what is happening in his life. so when everything’s going ok for him he self-destructs spectacularly, but when literally everything that can happen to a human being happens to him, he does, like, unrealistically well. climbing into a lobster tank and eating a live animal with large claws just like… “well, this is what’s happening to me today. i’m so sorry you have to watch this, man. anyway here goes, i’m going to bite into a living creature with my human mouth and then LOSE CONSCIOUSNESS”
this movie’s fucking killing me from the inside.
IT WASNT EVEN IN THE SCRIPT TOM HARDY IS JUST A FUCKING GENUINE MADMAN
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