excuse me – TDLBallistic's Shitpost Emporium

barzum-and-baizli:

elwurd:

raven-dreaming:

dreamteen:

pillars-of-creation-are-rad:

pumpkin-spice-paradox:

I think I may have unlocked the secret to success. feel free to contribute to this theory

may I suggest an edit

I’ve made an appropriate addition I believe

Add “potential immortality” to the JJohn Mulaney and Andrew Hussie section.

the chart is complete

fireblenders:

dr–wizard:

me writing my posts

I feel like I just accidentally took a glimpse at the world in the year 7017

snarthurt:

snarthurt:

everything about whats been happening to elon musk has been getting increasingly and exponentially funnier and i only wonder what the crescendo will be

at this point im waiting for that shitty car he shot into space to get caught in earths gravity well and squish him like a looney tunes character because that seems to be where this is heading

gabbyzvolt25:

ladysaytenn:

lost-soulsilver:

OKAY, BUT WHAT IF…?

I’m not sure what I stumbled upon but I don’t like it

If you Trade the Batter he evolves into Bro Strider.

miss–midnight:

biteythevillain:

so my roomates girlfriend just caught me in the kitchen and its so hard to play it cool when you never see this person you only hear her yowling like a cat in heat while her asshole gets played with so me, trying to act as casual as i possibly could, forgot i was holding an onion and not a delightful apple and bit into it fully expecting a honeycrisp but instead got the equiv of biting solid piss

lol wtaf. i can’t read a single word of this paragraph

girlsfrommars:

thatisrad:

You don’t have to fake orgasm to help your partner’s ego. The guy I lost my virginity to wrote a play about the experience, and the character based on me gave a monologue about how she regretted sleeping with him because no one else would ever be that good. So, yeah. Just tell him you didn’t cum.

Im sorry he wrote a fucking what

aku-no-homu:

this overwatch esports match glitched and the game declared that dr. junkenstein won

on king’s row

s-purple:

nematode-needles:

tickyjonk:

i can’t believe the globglogabgalab is from a mormon propaganda movie for kids whose main message is ‘don’t read books they are evil’

not even just books, they think its bad to consume excessive amounts of media and not spend that time loving jesus

clawmarkrune:

Girlfriend chart

shithowdy:

hey um so we went to target tonight and we found this talking kylo ren action figure that you’re supposed to shake really hard to “show it your power” and when you shake it it grunts like it’s in pain and when you stop shaking it, it raggedly asks you to show it the power of the dark side again

i cant stop thinking about it