We need a name for the shock-trauma that comes from reading a long fic, chapter after chapter, barely pausing to eat let alone pay attention to what chapter you’re on, and then scrolling down to click a button that isn’t there. There needs to be a word for the way all of the emotions you’ve been carrying that were hurtling forward with you as you read non stop, suddenly crash into a wall around you. There needs to be a word for the way you’re abruptly unbalanced and lost. There needs to be a word for how you futilely attempt to refresh the page, even though you know the next chapter won’t appear.
not to sound like jane austen or anything but if ur fic is labelled slow burn those two fucks better not even touch pinkies until like chapter 57 by the time they are even in a room alone together i want to be half dead of blueballs and i want their heated gazes to revive me im js
why would you say “not to sound like jane austen” and then quote her directly
“While many people think fanfiction is about inserting sex into texts (like Tolkien’s) where it doesn’t belong, Brancher sees it differently: “I was desperate to read about sex that included great friendship; I was repurposing Tolkien’s text in order to do that. It wasn’t that friendship needed to be sexualized, it was that erotica needed to be … friendship-ized.” Many fanfiction writers write about sex in conjunction with beloved texts and characters not because they think those texts are incomplete, but because they’re looking for stories where sex is profound and meaningful. This is part of what makes fan fiction different from pornography: unlike pornography, fanfic features characters we already care deeply about, and who tend to already have long-standing and complex relationships with each other. It’s a genre of sexual subjectification: the very opposite of objectification. It’s benefits with friendship.”
my favorite thing about au fanfiction the sheer range of it. how like sometimes the tag is like “alternate universe- they’re werewolf space pirates in charge of stopping their planet from being blown up by ancient immortal aliens from another realm” and sometimes it’s “alternate universe- chefs”
If your fic is 1000 words long, you can’t tag it slow burn. It’s not slow burn. That is a matchstick. And this is my personal bias here but if those motherfuckers you’re writing experience significant forward momentum in their relationship in under 5k words, then that is just a regular old burn. Slow burn should be borderline intolerable and a mistake to start reading at 2 in the morning.
If the fic doesn’t have multiple scenes where two people almost kiss but then don’t because of a contrived interruption that they are both grateful for and angry about, until the desperate reader is forced every other paragraph to mutter, “this is fucking ridiculous, this is bullshit, I’m so fucking mad, please update sooooooooooon,” then it isn’t a slow burn. It is a romance and that is a lovely thing but. Slow burns should feel like being set on fire unto your death but the tinder is people not kissing and the spark is people who don’t admit they love each other and the whole thing is. You know. Slow.
CORRECT
I once read a slow burn where the main pairing didn’t even speak to each other ontil 80k words in
This is the funniest fucking thing I’ve ever read and the only true slow burn fic
TDLBallistic's Shitpost Emporium 