simonalkenmayer:

teaboot:

scarhaver:

scarhaver:

i think it is good to warn people in advance about the circumstances that will cause you to bite them and i think that having given that warning it is good to follow through when the time comes

the rattlesnake is an admirable creature whose virtues we should emulate

One time at dance some rando grabbed me by the waist and told me to dance with him and I told him “if you don’t let go I’m going to bite you” and he didn’t let go so I bit him and that really should be the end of the story but he thought that was funny so I turned around and gave him a donkey kick to the shins and took about a 4 inch strip of skin with me so what I learned that day is when one is without debilitating venom, one must be as a horse do

“be as a horse do” is my new favorite colloquialism.

patrickat:

booplesnootscookies:

the best part of infinity war was when bucky picked up rocket and spun around like a lethal carousel of war. looked like julie andrews dancing in the mountains. the hills are alive but bitch you ain’t.

ashiimakesart:

so, y’all seen the new Achievement Hunter Minecraft episode?

Bonus:

empressimpala:

I have this headcanon where multiple time-traveling Daves would make up code names to differentiate themselves from one another. and the code names are always the names of celebrities who are also named Dave or David

starlitsequins:

adventure time on its dying breath:

elodieunderglass:

william-snekspeare:

kaijutegu:

reblog if the best idea that you could come up with was falling over and lying on the ground like a lump

Oh my god same

a brilliant defense

masterpost of fish names i really like

reinhardt-ass:

iguanamouth:

hugh–jassmann:

elasticitymudflap:

jumpingjacktrash:

systlin:

jedifish81:

systlin:

lewd-plants:

systlin:

lewd-plants:

New goddess idea: She’s an earth goddess of the new age who’s domain is spinning and weaving, but specifically spinning and weaving gigantic structural steel cables for construction and other industrial purposes. Her skin is steel grey and hard to the touch and her hair is like long dredlocks of woven steel. She laughs at shitty architecture deigns that will fall apart if actually built and protects well-made bridges and buildings she likes. She might warn you of unforseen danger if you always wear your proper PPE.

Okay now what do I name her

O’sha.

Obviously

THAT’S PERFECT

I AM ALWAYS HERE FOR QUALITY WORKPLACE SAFETY REGULATION PUNS

That’s my goddess. 👍🏻

May O’sha bless you with earplugs that are comfortable and respirators that fit perfectly.

the only divinity where you don’t take your hat off in the temple – you put your hat ON.

josh-gute:

This video pisses me off because everything about it is perfect. It’s extremely well shot and composed. Every decision that went into it from the choreographed sunglasses throw to the bass boosted Nickelback seems deliberate and incapable of improvement.

Nothing I ever make will be better than 12 second long shitpost.

clairedraws:

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