thenarius:

galpalactic:

this thread has me in tears right now

We were driving to a restaurant and wanted to see how long the wait was. My dad handed me the phone book and asked me to look up the number. I, for whatever reason, thought he said “get rid of this”. So I opened the window and chucked the phone book while we were going 70 MPH down the highway.

great

I stuck my hand in a bowl of soup simply because I hadn’t before.

same

When I was maybe 10-12, I threw one of my dad’s golf clubs that had no head on it like a spear down the hallway after telling my brother it would be cool.

absolutely

One time I was eating a lemon poppyseed muffin. The phone rang, so I reacted by shoving the entire muffin my mouth and eating it as fast as I could, nearly choking to death, and I didn’t even make it to the phone before it stopped ringing.

huge mood

Gave my sister a piggyback when she was giving my other sister a piggyback at the same time

thank you for your service

toastpotent:

scumfuckus:

scumfuckus:

my dad was saying how he thinks that at every birthday after 18 more and more things should become legal. so by the time you’re like 60 you finally get your meth and arson liscence

if you make it to 100 instead of getting a card or whatever it is from the queen you get to commit treason

your dad is a fucking innovator

not-so-tall-gay-danny:

thatthreeanon:

burdmom:

annajiejie:

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

gallifrey-feels:

More fun facts about ancient Celtic marriage laws: There were no laws against interclass or interracial marriage, no laws against open homosexual relationships (although they weren’t considered ‘marriages’ since the definition of a marriage was ‘couple with child’), no requirement for women to take their husband’s names or give up their property, but comedians couldn’t get married

It’s Adam and Eve not Adam Sandler and Eve

I want to expound upon “comedians couldn’t get married” thing because it’s actually really interesting.

Satire was respected in Ancient Ireland. It was thought to have great power, enough to physically maim the subject one was making jokes about. Satirists could bring down kings with a witty enough insult. That was actually their original function. When the king didn’t do right by his people, a bard was supposed to compose a poem so scathing it would raise welts on the king’s skin to oust him (it was illegal for a “blemished” king to rule.) Unwarranted satire was considered a form of assault.

So what it boils down to is ancient Celts being like “These people are too dangerous to reproduce. DO NOT TRUST THEM WITH CHILDREN. EVER.”

whats a king to a bard

Thats literally a dnd skill

Vicious mockery at sixth level

captainsnoop:

shinzo-abe-official:

captainsnoop:

captainsnoop:

i went in to a cells at work thread on 4chan’s /a/ because i can’t help but immerse myself in sludge and the whole thread was anons talking about how they’ve been eating better and drinking more water because they want the anime girls that live inside of them to be happier 

shinzo abe you son of a bitch, you did it. 

cells at work is an anime about anthropomorphic cells living in a human body, depicted as a large city 

otaku on 4chan watched the show and, in a desire to make the cells in their bodies happy, have started to live healthier lives 

shinzo abe, the prime minister of japan and noted son of a bitch, actually managed to get anime viewers to start taking care of themselves through anime 

Mission accomplished, now fuck already.

baby steps, mister prime minister.