so today was my first day back at camp and this years basically my first year where im like being a full on girl at camp and so like i was with my group today which is mostly kids whove known me for like 3 years at this point and one kid who knows me less well and like this kids 9 right so he asks me if im a boy or a girl like right off the bat cuz well, hes 9. I tell him im a girl and one of the other kids is like What!? no youre not. and im like i sure am. Another kid asks “then why were you a boy last year?” im like getting ready to figure out how the hell im gonna explain this to a kid in like 4 seconds. and then another kid asks “omg was you pretending to be a boy just an elaborate joke you and the other counselors were playing on us?!??” i just kinda stand there and im like………………………… yes. they all get cracked up because they think me pretending to be a boy was like, the funniest, most long term prank that has ever been committed to them and like i gotta say, i wholeheartedly agree that being amab is just a fucking joke.
another kid was like “but wait? you had a girlfriend last year?” as if she thinks shes just seen through me by asking that simple question and i just say “sometimes girls have girlfriends” and she just nods like i just said the wisest fucking thing anyone has ever fucking said
my friend called me on the phone from the library to tell me he’d been chased by a mountain lion and he thought he might have vomited up blood and I was in the middle of scrubbing my car and having a heat stroke god my life keeps getting fucking weirder
mind you this is my friend who is the total chronic disaster who got into that knife fight in the middle school parking lot so I’m used to giving him shitty advice but this summer since I don’t talk on the phone he texts me every other day with some new terrible strange twist that has happened in his life like “my girlfriend almost got kidnapped” “there are three centipedes in my bed!” “I almost got mugged again” like normally I would just go help him but I’m 4 hours away now and it’s like he forgets GXHRVGSHFV
your friend is a protagonist
this I’m aware of I’m his sidekick and the epitome of the nerd best friend archetype but still it is my civic duty to complain
beating breath of the wild in under 40 minutes is an incredible feat and also fucking excellent in the context of the game. ganon spends 100 fucking years preparing this onslaught, building energy, getting ready to tear the world apart, and one elf twink wakes up butt-ass naked in a cave and legs it to the castle and kicks ganon’s ass apart in under an hour with a sword he found along the way
-No one. The whole thing was faked (JUST LIKE THE MOON LANDING) by Pink Diamond herself who was just goddamn sick and tired of dealing with Yellow and Blue’s shit for all of eternity because c’mon, look at them, you’d rather pretend to be dead too.
1/8/18 – HONESTLY THIS JOKE POST IS BECOMING A STRONG CONTENDER RIGHT NOW
TDLBallistic's Shitpost Emporium 