@maverick-ornithography i felt like i needed to try my hand at the most convincing sales pitch i’ve ever heard
Maybe I’m alone in feeling this way but for me the real sign you’ve made it as a Writer On Tumblr is when somebody loves one of your posts enough to perform and record it. Thank you for this, it has really brightened my day 🙂
(image source [X] , since it got lost in translation so to speak)
This runs through my mind so often I’m fairly certain I’m going to come out from anaesthesia muttering this
The manchineel tree looks fairly ordinary and pretty and makes fruits that look like apples, but it’s so toxic that if you stand underneath it in the rain, runoff will burn your skin. If it catches on fire the smoke can cause permanent eye and lung damage. The fruits taste sweet and alright at first with a “slight pepperiness” and then progresses to a sensation that has been compared to “your throat being torn apart,” followed by internal bleeding and a list of other possible symptoms that include the phrase “bacterial superinfection” as multiple toxic compounds ravage your entire system.
Deaths apparently ended with widespread hospital treatment but if you got lost in the woods and ate from one of these you’d be pretty screwed
The black spined iguana is apparently completely immune to all the manchineel’s various acids and poisons (because the same tree has several) and just hangs out in them while it kills everything else
“you all are great people, and what you’re doing is art, but it’s also a crime punishable by 28 days in prison” is a real sentence that got said to me tonight by a security officer i think i’m living my best life
this is what was happening if anyone was wondering
God I was at that restaurant in Annapolis yesterday that serves those 4 lbs milkshakes and these two dudes were just finishing one together and people were asking them for tips and they were like “you have to get like mint chocolate chip or something because if there’s no texture it gets too boring to finish” and all I could keep thinking was that it can only be a matter of time before some god wipes this town off the map and we will have earned it with our disgusting hubris
Everyone who has ever finished one of these will have it weighed against a feather when they die
Doable? Maybe
Listen. After the Burger Incident of 2016 I’ve learned to accept my fragile mortality and live within the boundaries set for humanity by the Universe.
I’m a little nervous but my curiosity is overwhelming~ what, pray tell, is the Burger incident of 2016?
In 2016 the day Pokémon Go came out I worked up a big appetite with my friends and we went to Steak ‘n Shake and I decided that none of the burgers looked big enough which…..I don’t know if I thought the photos on the menu were actual size I don’t know what was going on but
I asked the server for the biggest one they had and she said “that’s the 7×7, it’s not on the menu…you don’t want that”
And immediately my friends knew I was fucked because I felt challenged which I blame on my middle child syndrome and also on that I am by birth just an idiot so I ordered it without knowing competitive food bloggers write entire articles about this thing.
I sort of knew I was in trouble when the cook came to see who’d ordered it but I wasn’t backing down and in the end I ate all 1300 calories and THEN the fries and ALSO my shake and I had to go to my friend’s and take a three hour nap and when I woke up I was so fucked up that I just started eating leaves straight off her mint plant because antacids weren’t going to cut it.
Then I complained for like two days and Ultimately I learned absolutely nothing.
In case anyone wanted a visual for the 7×7
Hubris
When you can’t decided between pride and gluttony so commit both sins at the same time.
The exact type of plane that he took on a final joyride a year later.
We can assume that this was his favourite plane and that, while on his job, after the pilots parked it and went for a coffee break, he was alone with it in the hanger when inspiration struck. He climbed into the vehicle that tugs jets around the tarmac and turned the Alaska Air Q-400 back around. At this point he climbed on board, flipped the starter switches and made for the runway.
In that hanger, he was captivated with sublime inspiration to just seize the moment and take to the air with it, to perform aerial maneuvres that left seasoned pilots baffled that the aircraft, let alone an untested pilot could handle. And even that, was framed with meme magic given the timestamp of his conversation with air control:
After accomplishing his barrel roll, he was stunned to have even completed it. in that moment he accomplished his dream, the climax of his passion in this favourite aircraft of his. Soon after, entering the denouement of his flight, and life. His final moments likely reflecting on what he had just done. It must’ve been enormously, sentimentally significant.
TDLBallistic's Shitpost Emporium 