i thought succulents were supposed to be the easy do-nothing plant thats impossible to kill but these fuckers are WAY more difficult than all the beans i had to grow in high school. wtf
a normal plant: just fuckin stick it in the sun and give it water. lookin malnourished? nourish it. stuff like blight, aphids, and spider mites are easy as fuck to diagnose and treat.
a god damn succulent, apparently: only likes dry aerated soil mixtures and barely any water ever and lots of indirect sunlight but no direct sunlight and sometimes they just start to look rotting and crinkly and mushy which either means theyre overwatered or underwatered or the soil’s retaining too much moisture or they’re just sad about living in your shitty house. will become naked and die for no apparent reason. you fucking suck
also fucking succulents: throw a rotten dead leaf from 1964 on a plate and watch it spring back to FUCKING life, i guess.
I love them so much because they’re about as sharp as a baseball and their anatomy is ridiculous to the point of them literally being classified as plankton for years because they just sort of get blown around by the ocean and look confused, but because they lay more eggs than ANY OTHER VERTEBRATE IN EXISTENCE, evolution can’t stop them
Why is no big predator coming and gnawing on them?
Their biggest defense is that they’re massive and have super tough skin, but they do get hunted by sharks or sea lions sometimes and they just sort of float there like ‘oh bother’ as it happens
Even funnier, because they eat nothing but jellyfish they’re really low in nutritional value anyway, so they basically survive by being not worth eating because they’re like a big floating rice cracker wrapped in leather.
So basically the only reason natural selection hasn’t taken care if them is because they are the most useless fish
yes, they’ve perfected uselessness to the point of being unstoppable
I didn’t know cheetahs meow I’ve always thought they roar my whole life has been a lie
Ok but the other one is purring so hard
If I ever don’t reblog this assume I’m dead
Fun fact: technically, because of its inability to roar and its ability to purr, the cheetah is not a ‘big cat’ (or Great Cat) – they are still classified as Lesser Cats.
Also you haven’t heard anything until you hear them cheep.
TDLBallistic's Shitpost Emporium 